Murder On The Mekong Express

This story is based on actual events, the names of the people have been changed to protect the innocent.

I awoke uncharacteristically early, a cicada breaks the morning silence. There's a sense of unease in the air, it's almost as though death hangs in the air, like the slow lethargic mist that rolls across the city at first light.

I jump out of bed, immediately dropping to the floor to press out at least 100 push-ups and a stern set of unrelenting abdominal exercises, barely breaking a sweat. I spring to my feet and shower, DI Lovemuffin is ready for duty.

After toweling my firm torso dry I slip on a fresh, pressed cotton shirt, it slips and caresses the contours of my fine physique. Women have been known to fall at my feet at the sheer sight of me. I duck down to breakfast and sip at an orange juice squeezed by my firm manly fist and fresh Papaya served of a young orphan child's back. It's so degrading, I have to take the fruit myself.

My limo pulls up sharpish to transfer me to the Mekong Express, I'm traveling incognito, posing as a hippy tourist, I find myself burdened with two pathetic losers - there's no way they're stepping in the limo.

The three of us step out at the Phnom Pen central bus station, despite the commotion I cautiously eye the other passengers readying to board. A guy from the North West of England with a funny accent argues with his Bulgarian love trophy, a couple with a soft toy tend to a distressed child - always be wary of soft toys I note to myself. My attention is drawn to two students, they're being pushy and insist on carrying their special cargo on board. Naturally I've already deduced it's a fish in a bag and something fishy is definitely afoot.

Two Cambodian stunners greet me as I board first class. THUD. I turn sharpish, the two Asian beauties have fainted, 'of course they have' I chuckle to myself and find my way to my seat. The couple I'm traveling with insist on sitting with me - covert surveillance would be hampered by a normal DI - but not Lovemuffin.

My attention is briefly taken by a performance on my private screen. A scorcher of a woman in full ball gown is dancing sensually through a supermarket. SNAP OUT OF IT LOVEMUFFIN. The lurch of the Mekong Express draws my focus back, the fish, where is the fish? I must stop this woman next to me talking, I need a clear head.

I try and snap the other passengers discreetly with my button hole camera. The student reels as the shutter fires, it's okay, it's okay, his friends leg has broken, my cover is safe. My prowess rules. I must stop this woman talking to me. A shriek comes from up ahead, I jump, it's just the baby crying. FOCUS GODDAMMIT LOVEMUFFIN. one more jumnp like that and you'll blow your cover.

"I'm here on business" the man on the North West tells me.
"I from Bulgaria" adds love trophy.
These are all things I already know, I'd already deduced this with my superior intellect.

The coach screeched to a halt.

"Every body off, you eat now!"screamed the saucy Asian temptress (who had regained consciousness). As I shuffle past I slip her a wink. THUD.

The air was hot, sticky and tropical, 'much like a Callipo' I thought to myself, my thought is broken by a shrill scream;
"MURDER"
I sprint back to the Mekong Express, it's 40+ in the midday sun and near 100% humidity, but I easily outrun the other passengers and step back onboard. There in front of me the student is bent double, weaping, in his hands he holds out the fish. It's dead.

WHO DUNNIT?
The End.