Sod-U-OK?

Alright don't ask me how, I mean it's probably a fad or something, but in the last few weeks during the journey home, I've just started doing some of those Soduko puzzles in the free London papers.

Okay, so I'm new at it, but I have managed to finish a few of them and yesterday I just happened the woman sat next to me looking across at my finished puzzle and checking off her answers, I laughed.

Two Teas Dear

God went into the kitchen this morning, actually it wasn't God it was me, well I mean as far as I know it was me, and saw two cups of the most revolting looking tea I had ever seen, thick with milk and tea bag floating in the concoction, at first I thought maybe they've been here all night, then I touch the mug and discover they are piping.

Naturally I run back to get my phone and picture these foul creations, I mean the milk has curdled and no one in their right mind should touch them, yet 5 mins later, the evidence has disappeared.

End The Week As You Meant To Start It

Well I can't begin to explain how exhausted I am after the amount of work I've done this week, now I know how this quarry feels, men constantly taking away from an ever growing hole.

By the end of today I'll have clocked up nearly sixty hours, that's almost double the usual weekly working hours. I'm looking forward to a long weekend and a BIG wank.

(Pictured: An Exhausted Bauxite Mine in Grebnik, Kosovo. Mining began in 1966 and ceased in 1990, owing to the deteriorating political climate. For this story in full and a mine of other useful Kosovo mining facts, extract yourself some information at http://www.kosovo-mining.org/)

Oh Fantasy Free Me

I've been invited by the people I'm working with at the moment to take part in their fantasy football league, straight boys play that game too do they? Fancy that.

What's that you want another topless picture of Ronaldo, oh alright, if you insist...

Rock Horror!

Has anyone else heard that MTV are planning to remake The Rocky Horror Picture Show, with new songs and everything. Disgraceful, you never meddle with a classic. FACT!

I was pleased to hear via 'Random Acts of Violets' though that Richard O'Brien is firmly NOT involved with the project.

That Sync'ing Feeling

To all my adoring blog readers, I'd welcome any suggestions for any more songs I can create dodgy lip sync videos to! In case anyone doesn't know, I restrict the filming to my mobile phone, that is the only criteria!

At What Price?

Anyone else seen that program advertised 'Designer Vagina'?

What a bunch of twats.

Feeling Left Out?

Happy left-handed day. We are a unique, creative, and talented bunch, apparently, more left-handed people pass their driving test first time than right-handed people and us lefties are more prone to pyschotic illness, hmm, well I should be alright! So come celebrate with us, it is our right, er I mean left, or do I?

FYI FYR

Apparently the Former Yugoslav Republic has been mis-represented in Michael Palin's latest travel documentary New Europe, according to the Metro this morning.

Apparently it included 'an inaccurate account account of the Balkan Wars in the 1990's'.

A complaint has been upheld by the BBC trust in relation to 'accuracy and impartiality' the action taken by the BBC Chairman is 'to tell programme makers to check their facts and not to mislead viewers', er shouldn't they have been doing that anyway?

Dolly Gosh

Not only do I dream of Genie, I now dream of Dolly Parton impersonators, yes impersonators not even the real Dolly.

File Cher

How Many Times... No.

No.

Lucky Bitches

I'm currently on a short away break visiting the parentals in Cornwall (they're not the lucky ones by the way) and despite how ghastly the weather has been it's always nice to catch up with everyone I still know down here.

Anyway today I've been dragged along by my brother to a country show, he's sponsored an event here and his girlfriend is doing something 'horsey' and has also brought her dogs along to take part in the 'amateur' dog show. I'm always quite wary of these provincial events, where 'just a bit of fun' is taken scarily seriously. I'm sorry to say my brothers girlfriend, as lovely as she is, is one of these people, but by no means the only one.

It starts with criticism of the judges, apparently she's choosing the dogs that are most like her own, rather than being independent. Now just so you know (the background to the story, I find it helps) Kelly: bro's girl, owns two Springer Spaniels, one male, one female, the male she rescued from a 'sleepy needle' at the veterinary surgery where she works. The poor dog has the canine equivalent of special needs and as such is quite timid around people, although he did seem to take a shine to me, so Kelly enters him into one of the categories but he runs back to her leaving the boy handler unaware he is just holding a lead.

In her determination to win something, well a rosette, she swaps dogs, hoping that the judge won't notice the change in sex, she comes fourth. Kelly then decides that she will keep entering the same female dog throughout the categories just switching her sex and back story as necessary. While this is going on I also catch another participant criticising one family for putting their child up as handler, thus trumping them for 'cute' points, "they're supposed to be judging the bitch, not the boy. Bastards". It's no wonder Christopher Guest saw the comedy potential in dog owners.

Finally the category of Best Rescue Dog comes up, she decides she will enter the actual male dog in this, apparently he's so pathetic he's guaranteed to win this category. He lives up to his reputation, he doesn't even stand up, it's an oscar-winning "I nearly went to doggy heaven" performance. He's done it, he's beaten small child with Jack Russell, fat man with poodle (honestly) and girl. Jack (the dog) is presented with his prize pink rosette (pictured), my brother decides to sport it while we wander around the rest of the show.

Later at the burger bar when he gets a tea (my brother, not the dog), the lady asks him what the rosette is for, he explains Best Rescue Dog category, she declares to us both that she can't help herself but rescue animals, "I've got 46 of them", I simply respond "where do you get your burgers from?".