From Russia With Lust

Friday nights for me are usually a trip to the pub straight after work, stay there until I'm ready to go home, go to bed, pass-out. Well I guess that still happened on Friday, except I didn't go to the pub straight after work and I didn't pass-out in my bed. Before you ask, I stayed with friends in East London (nice house guys).

So what did I do immediately after work on Friday? Well it will probably come as no surprise to my friends that I went to the gym. Just for a swim, but to my dismay the pool was busy, so I decided to reverse my usual routine and start in the sauna, boy am I glad I did.

There were two beauties sat there in next to nothing just chatting away in a foreign language. I sat down, composed myself and tried to concentrate on the wall. Almost immediately Beauty 1 (let's call him Blondey) asked if I wanted to squeeze in next to them on the higher seat, I politely declined and they carried on chatting.

After a while I couldn't resist, 'excuse me' I asked 'I hope you don't mind me asking, what language are you guys speaking in', dammit I should have used the word tongue I thought. Beauty 2 (let's call him Brunettey) tells me they are Russian, and that in Russia 'we have sauna's everywhere, do you mind if I put more water on coals?'. 'No, why not, of course, go ahead' I reply oh-so-coolly and so promptly pours the whole water bucket on the coals, despite the sign on the wall saying 'half a ladle at a time please'.

The back of my throat and my eyeballs feel like they are being dry-cured and as I struggled to maintain my composure Brunettey asks me if I wouldn't mind telling him the temperature. Of course in my mind I'm singing 'it's getting hot in here...' 'er' '90o', Brunettey tells me 'in Russia it is usual to be 110o' at which point Blondey pipes up 'and if you are lucky you will have a friend who beat you with sticks, like Birch branches'. I'd like that punishment, I thought.

We continued to chat for a bit, whilst I gently crisped. Then they left, the moment they were out of sight I made a dash for the pool. So it seems to me with pleasure there comes pain!